I am learning to take the long-view on certain aspects of my development. I am developing reading and writing goals that stretch out over a number of years (subject to change of course). I am becoming less anxious over having to read or address something in the moment being at relative peace that there may or may not be time for that in future. And as of late I am beginning to see potential shifts in the basic genres of my reading. I am currently quite fixated on philosophy. This is, I think, a partial reaction to a latent desire from high school that was never given an institutional framework to express itself. So I am making up for all my thwarted young adulthood that was wasted on way too much (though not exclusively) bad theology, or worse, unnecessarily pious devotional material. So now I cut to the chase and read the dense works that I can’t understand. But there is a sense that I will turn eventually to an immersion or baptism of literature (again not that it is entirely absent now) and perhaps even ultimately a rapture of poetry. But I sense that I am still too immature for that (whatever that might mean). I feel like I still need to cultivate skills in ‘grammar school’ (which I am not complaining about). Or to use the metaphor that is foreign to myself but seemingly so common elsewhere; I need to practice the scales in preparation for jazz performance.
I could be entirely mistaken about all of this but what I value now is the sense of purposeful toil in a vineyard that may not even bear fruit in my lifetime and that is okay.